everyone is single if you try hard enough
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
