we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I have post one night stand depression
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