but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
