My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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