If i come over, it means nothing
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
