After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
