i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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