Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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