I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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