he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
