hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
