I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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