Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
