I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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