I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Less talking, more tequila
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
