i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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