Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
