I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize