my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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