I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
