last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
