Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
