Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
