i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
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That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
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I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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