We're like a lot better than the average bears
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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