my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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