I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
