1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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