"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
