there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
