What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
