Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
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I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
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Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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