Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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