it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
