I CAN MOONWALK!
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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