I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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