And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
