i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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