Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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