i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
