You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
