How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
