Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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