I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
