I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
‪I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse. ‬
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
