Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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