we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
