Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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