my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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