Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
