you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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