I'm really into asian looking animals
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
