that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You're like the curious george of whores
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
