You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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