im six kinds of drunk right now
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
