if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
