Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
