once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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