I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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