hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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