i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
