Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I am naked and annoyed.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
