trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
