the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
