Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
