True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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