You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
