I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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