I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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