I think I died a long time ago.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
