I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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