she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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