Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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