he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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