I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
