Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
