People in love make me want to vomit
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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