i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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