Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
